First off, unlike other leading brands, our products effectiveness is 100%. However, this product doesn’t remove stains from clothing. It doesn’t remove stains from furniture. It doesn’t cut through grease, nor does it remove calcium buildup. No, this product removes stains from those really difficult to reach places. Specifically your conscience. Just imagine, should you ever find yourself in a situation wherein you’re forced to question the ethical implications of your actions, you’ll know exactly what to do. Simply take two steps.1) Shrug your shoulders.
2) Make the statement, “It’s just business.”
Now as with all new technologies, there are some precautions you must take. First, you must take care to remember that "It’s just business," is really only effective in the workplace. Come to think of it, that’s its only limitation! In the mood to stab someone in the back? “It’s just business”, washes away the guilt! Feel like snitching on your co-workers will help you get ahead? “It’s just business”, removes all moral ambiguities! Feeling grief over stealing a colleague’s idea and presenting it as your own? “It’s just business”, gently wipes away all remorse!
The best part is, it is guaranteed to work! How can we make such bold claims?
Simple, really. When you combine one part apathy, with one part blind adherence to authority, you get one complacent society! And we here at Yuppie Pricks Inc., have used this knowledge to engineer “It’s just business.” Now no longer will you have to stand for people questioning your integrity. With “It’s just business,” patented “Ethics-Shield” technology, all moral arguments are rendered obsolete!Now I know what you’re thinking. “It’s just business,” sounds great, but I have some people in my social circle who insist on critiquing my behaviors no matter what I do. What can “It’s just business” do about them?
I suppose we have all encountered those pesky individuals who claim to have some sort of “moral compass”. So, Yuppie Pricks Inc. has decided that if you order soon, not only we will send you “It’s just business,” we’ll throw in the “Mocking and derisive laughter/Patriotic Questioner Multi-Tool” at absolutely no extra cost to you! Then, if you ever come up against those Pinko-Commie type scums, simply laugh heartily and remind them that here in America, the bottom line is in fact, the bottom line.
Now, how much would you pay for not just “It’s just business”, but the additional
“Laughter/Questioner Multi-Tool”? $50? $100? What if I told you that you didn’t have to spend one single penny!? You’d say I’m crazy right! Well maybe I am crazy, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can have all these amazing products with no monetary cost to yourself. All you have to do is be willing to be a Yuppie Prick Asshole for the rest of your life! That’s right, a life of pseudo-friendships and shallow priorities is just mere fingertips away. Fingertips covered in expensive jewelry, I might add!So come on now, say it with me!
“It’s just business!”
“It’s Just Business!”
“IT’S JUST BUSINESS!”
“USA!”
“USA!”
“USA!”
Thank you for your time, and God bless America!
12 comments:
karls gay.
sorry dude. its just business
Whenever I mention the movie Cool Hand Luke, people want to quote the guy who says, "What we've got here is a failure to communicate," which I always thought was a fairly irrelevant quote. The one that has always stuck with me since I saw the movie in high school is when the guard is locking Luke in the hole, saying he's sorry, but it's his job, and Luke says, "Calling it your job don't make it right."
I think a lot of people who are able to say "It's just business" are genuine sociopaths. Our system is set up so that the people who are most able to rise to the top are fucking evil crazies.
So yeah, God bless America!
Where can I get this wonderful tool? It sounds easier and cheaper that alcohol! I have a variation that is thrown around my work place, "It is what it is." No shit dumb ass (My bosses secret nickname). It amazes me the lack of desire to effect any kind of change. Paulo and Crasskins, you are both right, we are a breeding ground of apathetic sociopaths. I understand why they're are so many old bitter people in the world, because whether we resist or submit, we all end up old and bitter.
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adam brown believes it's just business. I believe we should burn down his botnet and pwn his mom's box3n without using a trojan.
Wow, so fucking true! Outside of the workplace you can use “what can you do” & then shrug your shoulders…
well when i spend my economic stimulus package on gas so i could go play megabucks with my paycheck, i'll make sure i never have to work again so it never has to be "just business" - it'll be fucking personal!
"It is what it is" is also effective, and generic enough to use in almost any situation. When you must indulge the minions, you can also say "thank you for your input", which really just means, "you can't possibly think that I value your feeble minded opinion".
I like to act like I am retarded when guests (aka customers) talk to me... for fuck sake I am drunk... too much art, for yah!
We live in a world of labels, patterns and superficiality. If people really knew that the control they have over their lives is complete and total, they'd freak out! "It is what it is" is a way of turning the blind eye so so that people don't harm the side of themselves that they believe is courageous and free. People who use this line, use it to "wash their consciousness" not of the sin committed to others, but more the sin committed to themselves.
The scary thing about this is that people who live like this, dont realize they live this way because they dont realize their freedom.
Fear and shame drives most people.
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